looking at it in another way
“Is it just four days sufficiently to meet someone?”
I still asking me that since I met you because their vocation was different for me. Met you. And, since then everything is different to me. Started to perceive I know speak something in English, or there. Drafted a poem in your birthday, until even I do not know every word.
Are we crazy?
Am I crazy?
Even I am asking me the same until today, I do not care about the answer, because the most important is “we are staying”. So, maybe four days is not sufficient to you say everything about you of the other but is sufficient to invite some stranger to sleep with you and have a nice night, and have good sex. The first day can be funny, or do you not remember our first morning together when I put out all alcohol we drink?
So, everything to me is so intense, you know that. When I think about you, I am thinking about us too, you know? I think that because you are staying in my life and I am in your life.
When I remember you came to brazil to enjoy and find me when you go away, you said to be careful because we live in different countries, speak different languages, but we contour all the situation and decided met etcher other again. Was be March 2020, but the world said: you can wait for more. So, here we are waiting.
The pandemic came to say for us:
do not go so fast
and all this shit
are teaching us about be more came
s l o w i n g.
“We need to breath”, you said to me another day. Not just because of my anxious, but about the world. The world needs to breathe and I understand that. So, all like ever you do, you see the thing for a safe way in the confusion. Like when you said good things me to me when I wrote to you in crises of anxiety, a few mothers ago.
The pandemic came to ask:
is
it
Four
days
sufficiently
to
know
someone?
The answer is not, but, in a pandemic situation: yes. We perceive four days together if someone you like is important, nice, and can bring some hope. Trying to see that to safe way, the all thing happens with the world make me note and knows more things about you: like how you are so sensitive about the peoples, about your children’s and how your world is more about you do, is about you are. Maybe, is this so confusing to write, because, I am writing in English, but, I hope, like always you do, you can understand me?
Perhaps, I am being sensibility so hard, but I have an inspiration to be a writer, so, how I am not writing about us? About this day in last year when you look me in the disco and invited me to sleep with you or when you accept my invitation to kiss me with a cachaça. That sounds crazy but that is enjoying life too. Make sense to you? Like, life presents us with a lot of opportunities and we need to learn about when we must enjoy it or not. Everything in life is about it:
purpose.
We are keeping our feet in the ground and we are keeping here, speaking with each other every day, in the afternoon for me and at night for you. The crazy time we lived is not an impediment, because thanks to all gods, we have the internet, skype and the most important: connection. Besides Rio be, our word is about destiny and connection came to be true too. What do you think? Is not this a connection what we have? Because Copacabana and Ipanema never will be the same for me.
So, we have a problem: always I am trying wrote about us, like a chronic or something, I don’t get up this, because I start thinking in our days together and something tell me in my mind: “bitch, this is real life, it’s impossible to make fake literature with this.”
- Well, done. — Said for me.
Because, always I am trying to write about you, I remember how much I grew up, like, making big decisions and decided to learn more about you, about English, about life? Will cruise the ocean for you one day, I will fly to over our Rio de Janeiro, can you imagine that? It is so crazy to think about that but is so too. And I am happy with my decisions. Because I am not doing that for you, is for me. Like, all life, until I have 25 years old, I always think I do not have the law to be happy, like I think now, so:
Thank you, to make me see the life that way.
Really.
We cannot work together, but I am so grateful to learn all the things with you. But we will see that in the future. Not now. Not so fast. Slow. Later.
So, I have the last thing to say to you. The last phrase I am thing theses to finish this text. Maybe is not organic like the rest of the text, so, to finish, here are a sentence brings in my mind: when I have written and created some literature, I can imagine a world, a fiction, but every time I try to write about you, or about us, I keep blocked, because it is impossible to write and create fiction when we have something real, something we can touch, not now, later.
See you soon, H.
